I'll quickly go back to elementary school, I really did not care about, how people viewed me. I had really long hair. I mean, I have pretty long hair now. Then, it was pretty long. I would put, hair clips in my hair and stuff. And I would do a lot of typical, like, girly things. And people would always comment, "Oh, you look like a girl." And, I wouldn't care. Sometimes it would make me, happy, I guess. I have a sibling, they also would dress up with me, would put on, dresses or other stuff, and it would make me happy, I'd feel like I can be whoever I want, I can put on a dress, and have long hair, and I look like a girl. Or I could put on, guy clothes and then I look like a guy. So I feel like when I was little I felt very free to be whoever I want.

But then in high school, from 7th to 10th grade. I had a fear of not being liked, and not being funny and stuff. So, whatever other people around me were doing, I was like, "Okay, I want to act like that, because, I want to fit in, or I want I want to dress like this." I was definitely being like a sheep. I was just following, like, just trying to follow the path. I was like, "These are the people I want to hang out with, so this is the way I should act." That just made me very unhappy. I made a lot of choices that I didn't like. Then in 10th grade, towards the end of 10th grade, I was like, well, I had enough of being upset with myself for being someone who I'm not. That's when I decided, I have to find out, who I am. So, in 11th grade, I stopped talking to all my close friends. I was kind of on my solo journey to find out who I was. In 12th grade, I started talking to my friends more again. I had to take a year to figure out who I want to be. And then kind of go back to socializing with other people and now I'm kind of under the impression instead of trying to fit in, I'll be whoever I want to be. And I'll attract the people that I like. It helped us a lot to have our own time to figure stuff out because when you're part of a friend group, it's easy to feel forced to act a certain way. I think being able to have separation from that really helps. In 12th grade, I would wear makeup almost every day to school, I'd do my eye shadow every day and I tried to get pretty extravagant look.

I don’t like labels for a lot of things. When it comes to sexuality and gender, I don't really label myself that much. Because I feel like once you label yourself with something, you feel forced to act. If someone was to label themself as being straight, but then deep down they weren't straight, they would feel forced to act in the opposite gender romantically or sexually. If you don't label yourself, then you don't feel you have to act this way. You don't have to do what society views as proper for those labels. Not having a label really helps me because then you can do whatever you want without feeling guilty or you're doing something wrong. I think about those things a lot, and sometimes I have images of who I want to be. I know I could become that person, but sometimes, if I am that person, I don't always see all of my friends being interested in someone like that. It's like, "Do I want to find out who I am and be who I am and risk losing some of my friendships?" Or like, "Should I just stay the same and not risk losing any of my friendships?"

If I could have had it my way, I would have been born as female, and then be non-binary. I do think about gender and sexuality sometimes. I probably think about gender more. When I think about who I am, mostly I create a picture of what I'll look like, what my personality will be like, and what my gender identity will be like. I would feel easier being androgynous, being born a female, because then I wouldn't have the facial hair, I wouldn't have very broad shoulders, I wouldn't have these typical male features. I am feeling like, no matter what, I'll always be kind of viewed as a man. Not always the way you look is how people view you.

At night, I feel very free. I feel like, I can just go out and walk around with my friends, and no one will tell us who to be or how to act, or how to dress, or whatever. You're free to feel, authentic. That's why I got a tattoo of a moon, because it's like, at night, you can be who you want to be. I mean, if I had the exact, that would be nice, because I don't know what the exact answer is. I think I can't give anyone an exact answer because I don't even know what the exact answer would be. I don't really have a choice because I don't really know what that answer would be, but it's sometimes nice not knowing the answer, because then it leaves room for change. So I think the most, authentic way for me to show myself is just by acting who I am, kind of being who I am, and talking.

It's like If I could describe my style for art or fashion, I'd say it's very moody. I like more dark things with them. For my tattoos and also my fashion, I think of myself in an androgynous way. Then I'll think what does it mean to me to be androgynous? And what does an androgynous person like? What things would they like? So then, the tattoos or the fashion designs that I make sometimes are like what I would view as androgyny.